Tag: father

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Celebrating Father Figures: My Personal Journey

As I continue to highlight Fatherhood Awareness Month, I truly want to thank those who have read the initial blog. In fact, if you’ve read any of my blogs, I appreciate it. As a new blogger, I do not have many followers; however, I’m okay with that. When asked why I am interested in blogging, my response was simple:

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Me with Noah and Naomi completed an escape room challenge!

1. It’s therapeutic for me.

2. It fulfills my desire to be transparent as I continue to brand myself as a psychologist venturing into private practice.

3. It creates a positive and authentic online presence.

4. I know I’m not alone, and I want others to see they aren’t either.

The Challenges and Triumphs of Fatherhood

Just recently, my 14-year-old daughter has been, as her generation would say, “standing on her business.” Like most times, I usually have no idea what I did to upset her. To address her actions, I activated my trusted circle of support and eventually called her cell phone carrier to temporarily suspend her line. Additionally, she had to remain in the house for 24 hours. This, of course, did not go over well. It took a few hours for her to understand that her consequence had an end, but it would not start until she stopped the defense attorney-style interrogation. She is a gifted student-athlete, and she has the makings of an amazing lawyer. She often requires me to second-guess myself.

She still makes that face in order to get what she wants. I love this girl!

My 16-year-old son, who can be rather quiet, at least around his father, was hungry as we were returning from his hair appointment. Instead of stopping at a fast-food restaurant, I took the opportunity for some alone time at a locally owned family-run restaurant. Initially, he didn’t want to get out of the vehicle because he didn’t want to eat there. I informed him that the next stop would be home, so he came in. Despite his initial resistance, he came around. We had a good conversation, good food, and then he drove us home from there as he’s in the stage of learning to drive.

Noah and I smiling together! Now, as teenager, he mostly smiles around his friends.

Fatherhood is more than posting about positive accolades, either academically or athletically. It’s more than birthday parties and significant events like graduations, homecoming, prom, or other club-related activities. Fatherhood, to me, is a process of a desire to inspire the minds, hearts, and souls of young people to be the best versions of themselves. In order for this to occur, I firmly believe that father figures should be striving to be the best versions of themselves—mind, body, and spirit. Along my journey, two books helped me recondition how to see myself mentally and emotionally:

1. Measure of a Man by Gene Getz: This book focuses on manhood from a Christian perspective.

2. The Will to Change by the late Bell Hooks: This phenomenal read challenged my thought process within relationships with myself and others. Since reading this book, I have often gifted it to other men, and it has never disappointed.

Honoring Influential Father Figures

This blog highlights the men in my life who have shaped me into who I am today.

Pastor Raymond LeBlanc

The first is the man who baptized me when I was in the 7th grade, the late Pastor Raymond LeBlanc, founder of First Lutheran Church of Carson. First Lutheran was my grandparents’ (Leoma and Melvin Shephard) home church. Legend has it they started in the pastor’s garage before buying the land where the church still stands today. Pastor LeBlanc was a forward-thinking man with the ability to connect with people from all walks of life. Those in the congregation came from all over the South Bay to attend this church.

Pastor LeBlanc at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary!

Pastor LeBlanc had a significant influence on my pre-teen years. Although I don’t think I was a bad kid, I was certainly strong-willed. Adults would often bring the pastor around to help me understand what I needed to do. Even when we went on outings, for some reason, I had to be with Pastor LeBlanc. He was fair, firm, and consistent. I remained in close contact with him even after I left for college. The last time I saw Pastor LeBlanc was when I was attending Marquette for my doctorate degree in psychology. Pastor had since retired but was still helping other pastors. He came to Milwaukee to preach, and I made sure to be there. Pastor LeBlanc truly impacted my fatherhood journey.

Coach Lalo Mendoza

As an adolescent male growing up in Compton, I had several life-changing decisions to make. Graduating from Vanguard Middle School, my neighborhood school was the Big Ten, Centennial Apaches, located on the corner of El Segundo and Central. Trust me, I am from Compton. My father attended Verbum Dei High School, an all-boys school in Watts, and I had my reservations initially. However, this was the best decision for me. At Verb, I met a man who never had biological children but was a father figure for so many—Coach Lalo Mendoza (Coach Lo).

Coach Lo, myself, and Kenechi Udeze at the National Football Foundation College Hall of Fame, 36th Annual Scholar Athlete Awards Banquet.

Coach Lo was a special human being and truly God-sent. My parents eventually split for good while I was in high school, and Coach Lo never let me skip a beat or a tuition payment. Between him and Coach Maxwell (RIP), I never had to worry about a ride, something to eat, or how I was going to pay for my books. Coach Lo saw something in me early on. I was blessed to be a captain of the JV football team and eventually as a senior on the Varsity team. He taught me that leadership is not so much about what you can do immediately for an individual but how you can help others be better to help others.

At Coach Lo’s funeral last summer, I finally thanked Mr. Hardy Nickerson, a former NFL all-pro and Verbum Dei alum, for his generosity with time and finances, which allowed me to stay at Verb. This is why I now give financially to certain charity organizations. Despite graduating and heading to Tuskegee University for my undergraduate studies, I remained in contact with Coach Lo. When it was free nights and weekends and I was traveling back and forth from California, I spent hours talking to Coach Lo to stay awake. I miss those conversations.

Conclusion

As I end this blog, I wanted to highlight two men who have shaped my beliefs about fatherhood. I would love to hear your thoughts. To highlight the role that fathers and father figures have had, please join me in the conversation. Please like, comment, and share this post. It would mean a lot!

Until the next blog! – Dr. D, a psychologist, just learning how to be a better father or father figure daily!

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Congratulations to the Class of 2028

Simple words for some, but hearing those words, I thought to myself, “The audacity of her.” Her, referencing my daughter’s middle school principal. As of today, at 1:05 pm Pacific Standard Time, her former middle school principal. I have been reflecting all week, which culminated today, where did the time go? I still vividly remember holding her minutes after her birth, vowing to always be involved in her life. Now, she has an older brother, whom I am very much proud of and involved in his life as he graduated from the same phenomenal middle school two years ago. For some reason, I was not as emotional as I was today. Getting back to my daughter, my forever baby girl.

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Naomi enjoying soccer

Three years ago, my children and I were a year and a half removed from being reunited after my nine-month rotational deployment in Eastern Europe and six months before that, preparing for that deployment following leaving our previous assignment in Fairbanks, Alaska. So, in all, I was away from my two heartbeats for about a year and a half. I have to say, this was the most challenging time in my life thus far. I never want to be in that situation again. Meanwhile, moving here three years ago was an opportunity for us to find our rhythm as our three-person crew. Fast forward, our crew has had a good rhythm, and we’ve created our circle that has greatly contributed to where we are now.

Now, getting back to the class of 2028, as the former principal stated today. Well, three years ago, she loved basketball, chicken nuggets, Minecraft, Roblox, and spending uninterrupted time with Dad going to the movies, going out to eat, going for a drive, or even just watching TV. During the past three years, that 11-year-old is now 14. This 14-year-old now often reminds me how close she is to 18, how she should be learning how to drive, and ensuring to verbalize how annoying and frustrating I am to her. Waking up to loud music playing in their bathroom, usually on one of my missing Bluetooth devices, as she likes to say, is community property since we are a family and sharing is important. Even more of a realization is how she now places pickup orders from various retailers and lists me as an alternate for pickup. I usually ask her, who is the primary. Her reply, me and you driving me of course.

The last three years have been challenging, exhausting, rewarding, exciting, and today extremely emotional. Knowing that her graduation was this week, over the past few weeks, I had been asking my daughter what she wanted to wear. Her typical answer is either pajamas, basketball shorts, or sweats. My lovely daughter, right? So, on Monday, I had to find someone to get her hair done. The young lady that had been doing her hair moved and was not able to get to Naomi this week. It was understandable, especially given the drive and a few other factors. As a person of faith, I said, God, you will make a way. My favorite Bible verse is Romans 8:28.

A much younger Naomi

Come Tuesday evening, I had secured her hair appointment for Thursday and, of course, she wanted to get an outfit. So, both Wednesday and Thursday were spent driving to the mall and spending several hours trying to find the perfect outfit for her. Well, her idea of perfect. She told me to find a seat and she would let me know when she was ready for me to pay. I felt like either a sugar daddy or one of those spouses that sit in the mall while their significant other spends all their money. She is not my spouse, but she loves spending my money, lol. On Wednesday, we found the shoes she wanted and then Thursday after Ms. T of U.R. Loc’d finished her hair, we were back in the mall to find her shirt. I have to say, the village came through as well. As I was waiting to spend my money, the village was texting her to help her out.

The day before graduation, she says, “Dad, are you going to cry?” My response, no. Well, that was not the truth.

The morning of her 8th-grade graduation, I had a work-related task I needed to do, so that allowed me an opportunity to avoid the inevitable. I received a text message with some encouragement from a dear friend knowing that I would be emotional. I spoke with them prior to going to calm my nerves. They asked if I was wearing my sunglasses and I replied, “I was.” I walked into the gym, was handed a program, and took my seat. Once I sat down and opened the program, I saw my daughter’s name and I was immediately overcome with emotions. I had to leave. I told the principal and school counselor I was not going to make it. I went outside for fresh air, made a phone call, which helped, and then attempted to head back in. Once I walked back, the students were walking in and the smile I saw on my daughter’s face brought another set of emotions. Another parent attempted to chat with me for a minute, which I am glad he did. I eventually went back in and made it through the rest.

Once it was over and time for pictures, those emotions began to overwhelm me again. My daughter at this time was also crying. Seeing the love shared between my daughter and several of the staff was heartwarming. During the last three years, several staff members from this school have truly become part of our village. Even after the school day, several of these individuals have made themselves available to my daughter when needed. They have reassured me that things will be alright. Several of them have really become a part of our family for years to come. I will forever be grateful to the staff at the former middle school of both of my children. Although I write this blog with a heavy heart, my heart is filled with joy and admiration that I have experienced being a parent of the best middle school in the world that both my son and daughter had the privilege of attending.

As my daughter prepares for high school and returns to attending school with her older brother, I am sure challenges and excitement are in the future; however, I will take the next few days to enjoy the past three years.

I am sure her big brother feels this way now that his little sister is joining him again.

Are you a parent of a teenager going through a life transition? How have you handled it? I would love to hear your feedback on this blog and your own experience. Happy reading, everyone.